it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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