low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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