If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
