You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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