I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Randomize
