I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
that's an acceptable place to lick
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
