I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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