ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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