his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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