clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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