New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Randomize
