so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
