im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I cut my penus on the lid.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
