I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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