I met the friendliest cop last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
