It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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