Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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