Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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