He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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