I love black thongs
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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