I didn't shave. On purpose
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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