So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
