Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
