My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize