Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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