so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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