just tell him i said nine months
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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