it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
