Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
babies were throwing up all over the place
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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