my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
