your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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