She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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