Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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