took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
