i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
