it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I did not marry a roomba.
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