'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize