i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize