Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
