The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
