you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
