I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
