every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize