Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
