i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
