I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
