I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
