fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
