at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
