I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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