Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
