it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize