Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
