They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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