Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
