i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Randomize
