so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
