He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
