How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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