I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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