Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
