Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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