so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
