Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
