he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is my gift to your gina
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize