he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
