ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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